You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
