im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
