when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
