so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
