its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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