Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
