my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize