we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
