Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
