; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
