Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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