Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
