There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
