You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You can't special order awesome
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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