mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
