Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
