Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
