Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
