So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
