We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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