He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
