U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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