What a fucking waste of an outfit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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