I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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