we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have to summon your inner elephant
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
