He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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