My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
