Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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