I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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