I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
