i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
