Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
