This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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