it wasn't lemon gatorade
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize