i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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