Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
