bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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