Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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