I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
