I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
