Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
