I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't deserve a penis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize