Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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