um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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