I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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