I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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