i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
