You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
