tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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