Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
