Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
