I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
