If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
