I wanna bring you to show and tell
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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