her vagine was all disorganized.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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