A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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