youre lurking in front of me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize