i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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