That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
