Plan B is the new Plan A
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
