My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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