Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
