Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
