Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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