Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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