im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
