it hurts more in the daytime
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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