All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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