I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Terrible idea I love it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
