My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
