There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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