wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
