I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
