Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize