Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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