I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Too much gin, very little bucket
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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